Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

The back story for the whole game is pretty much “White people kept fucking up so now the world is terrifying.”

—a friend while describing the story behind a tabletop he discovered recently

Did you just snark the king?

—A tiefling who really couldn’t care less

lynxward asked: Taking the dm down a peg in this case could be potentially really dangerous , though. So do be careful.

No player should ever feel helpless or uncomfortable at the hands of the DM.  Maybe ruining there shit won’t make them respect you.  The right thing to do is to just walk away and find a new group.  I feel that maybe my advice and opinion on this topic is slanted due to the fact I’ve never been made to feel uncomfortable about gender in game.

If your DM doesn’t respect your gender, they are a shitty person and you should not spend anymore time with them or their game.  But if you’re the kind of person who likes revenge and would like to ruin an assholes Saturday night, go for it.  They might not respect you anymore than they did at the beginning of the night, but they will be upset and they’ll probably have to retcon a bunch of stuff.

On the last ask thisisevenharderthannamingablog said:

I would suggest that if the options are between having an antagonist relationship with a DM who doesn’t respect you, and not gaming at all, you’re way better off not gaming. You can’t force people to be decent human beings, unfortunately, and if these people are assholes, remove them from your life. Find a new group.

This is important, there is a right group out there.  But if you feel the need to destroy a DM before you ollie on out of there I would do it.  DMs need to be taken down a peg sometimes.

Anonymous asked: I stopped playing dnd because I went through two DMs who were constantly thinking up ways to use my gender as a plot point. Even after talking to them privately, asking them to avoid using threat of rape or sexual resolutions to problems (for example, rolling to avoid sucking off a goblin army) that made me uncomfortable, it didn't stop. Any suggestions?

You need to find the right DM.  Let them know about the problems you’ve had in the past.  If the DM can’t be talked out of continually putting you in situations that make you uncomfortable there isn’t much you can do, except maybe trying to get the other players on your side to talk to the DM as a group.  Maybe specifically seek out a DM who won’t try to make you uncomfortable.

Alternatively you could maybe just learn to power game and destroy everything your DMs holds dear if they keep making you uncomfortable.  A well informed player with a well built character can bring any regular DM to their knees.  If you can only get one player on your side, conspire against the DM with them.  Diversified and devious spell casters are the bane of all DMs.

If you google “whatever-system power builds” you can find what you need to destroy your DM and make them respect you.

lokathor asked: I'm always a little distressed when these questions get asked because the answer is the same as it always has been: talk with your players, politely, about what you think is wrong, and what your expectations are, and then listen to their expectations, and then try to get them to more closely match each other. Just talk to them. That's all it takes. Directness. If you're trying to play a cooperative storytelling game with someone you can't actually ever cooperate with, then stop doing that.

scubagoomba asked: A few things for the DM to consider: How restrictive is your story? Is the "role player" impeding on everyone else's fun? If you're the only one noticing, then it sounds like something for you to fix. If the rest of the group is frustrated, talk to the player first; from my experience, "role playing" is one of the worst excuses for antagonist playing. You game regularly, so I imagine there's some cordiality; talk OOC and make sure the player knows there's a problem before "punishing" him or her.

Additional reading

vi9 asked: With DM being basically a god already, it works IMO

I feel like death from above would just be inconsistent with my game worlds, so that solution just isn’t for me.

flopticals asked: To the guy who wants help keeping his friend on track, our DM has created a god who makes us roll to see if we randomly get hit by lightning when he gets bored of us staying in the same place too long. For most of us it's our first full campaign and I play with a bunch of boys who get really into tactics and checking everything before continuing, and I will admit, this has gotten us moving quite a few times!

Striking a player with lighting bolts is a solution, that may or may not be right for a DM and their players.  But I like to find more “realistic” solutions to problematic players