Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

It’s not the suit the makes the skeleton its the skeleton that makes the skeleton.

—On Skeletons

Keeping Pace (Salsa)

(At the end of a full 20 level campaign the Tarrasque is down and ready for the Wish/Miracle. unfortunately, we’ve already lost our our wizard and sorcerer.)

Fighter: Quick, cast Miracle on the Tarrasque!

Me: I think now would be a good time to tell you I’m not a cleric.

Everyone but the DM: You’re what?!

Me: I’m a witch.

DM: *quietly hands me a five dollar bill while grinning like a maniac*

We don’t commit crimes, just murder!

—The party trying to justify themselves to the Republic

"I summon a T-rex into the room. The trap floor tries to activate and smash it into the ceiling, but it’s too big, right? So we just end up with a dead T-rex cube filling the room? I summon a bunch of dire badgers to eat a tunnel through the T-rex cube that we can safely crawl through."

- Animal Summoner in the Tomb of Horrors

"You come across a swarm of very friendly jackals!"
"Gezall stuffs them into its massive hair to keep them safe."
"You now have 5 dogs."

Our Characters Have a High Turnover Rate

"Hi and welcome to the group! Here’s your character sheet, you have control over this NPC now. Let’s take off where we were last time…"

"…Oh by the way, you’re on your second round of drowning and you’re also on fire. Good luck!"

You’re like the Peyton Manning of baby throwing.

—A Nat 20 on a baby throwing roll.

Fighter: Should we bury the dead centaurs?

Mage: They’re really big

Bard: We can bury their human halves.

GM: Your team is nearly dead, your rouge has been impaled, your mage is gagged and has lost his arms, the archer bow is snap and is missing all arms and legs. the paladin has lost his will to fight and has succumb to evil. the assassin has turned against your fellow comrades due to a spell. 2 dark trolls, a goblin mage and 3 Orc war chieftains are busy finishing off your comrades. What do you do.

The Warrior: … Hypothetically speaking can I leave them all and be the only survivor…?