Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

Exalted Monk - ‘Guys, what are we going to do with the [bloody, unconscious] Guard Captain?’
Exalted Cleric - ‘Oh, gods, oh, gods, I don’t know…we gotta do something!’
Paladin - ‘I guess we…put him in the gaol? I’m not sure that’s how it works anymore…’

—A party of good-aligned characters, after extenuating circumstances led to them beating a guard captain and half of a village into unconsciousness to save them.

“If I had my way there’d be an Aasimar trait in which people in prolonged exposure to me are more susceptible to sudden bouts of choreographed song and dance numbers. My entire backstory would be him fleeing a life of singing animals and townsfolk dropping everything to ferociously musical at him.”

 - Monk

DM: So it’s the mentally challenged leading the blind

Mittens: well at least we are on the right trail 

Scarlet: So here’s the deal I have a magic sword and if I stab people with it I can heal them.

New group member: Well I find that hard to believe

Scarlet: Dont worry we tested it on a chicken. We almost killed our wizard in the process but we got it to work in the end! 

Captain: Didn’t you have a chimera with you?
Fiiz: Oh, he’s dead.
Voroth: It wasn’t Jahzeel’s fault this time!
Captain: Let me guess. He made a god angry, and was killed by lightning.
Fiiz: Almost. No, his cloned brother met with us and swapped bodies with him, and then a burning building killed him.
Voroth: He actually lived through the lightning part.

“You didn’t finish. What happens after they get pregnant?” - Ruxili the Shardmind, while receiving The Talk

“We have seven dwarves naked in the closet. Let’s just talk about the symbolism there.” - Cern 

“I still have the naked lady’s juice.” - Ruxili

Talking Like Ahnold

DM (speaking like Jorgen Von Strangle from The Fairly Odd Parents): Let me tell you the last thing you have to do…

Me (imitating): … Little Timmy.

Endless laughter ensued.

Pointing Ducks

DM (as NPC): Duck Point is where you want to go. It is a pond where the ducks…

Me: Point?