Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

"There’s probably something horrible, possibly on board the ship, that we wouldn’t want to let know that we’re there."

"Well, you’ve already crashed into the ship, torn a great big hole in it, and peed out the airlock."

"Yeah… I might have alerted them to our presence."

Talking to myself is a free action, right?

"I have warlock hair?”

Don’t worry, sir. For the mere price of 300 gold pieces we can offer you our esteemed Fairy Insurance services.

—our Half-Elf Rogue to a very drunk and very scared Dwarf Fighter after staging a “fairy attack”.

I don’t suppose we could just dance this one off?

—our Paladin after being surrounded by ghouls

Cleric: I’m going to use my knowledge of religion to identify exactly what type of undead we’re fighting *Rolls a 3 and adds 1 from Knowledge Religion*

Me: I forgot you’re not a real cleric. You’re able to identify that the enemy is in fact an undead. Well done. 

DM: “You see a large pool of water, but its murkiness and the darkness of the cavern makes it impossible to tell the depth.”

Cleric: “I know! I throw my torch into the water.”

DM: “… The cleric with 7 Int throws your only light source into the water, where it immediately extinguishes and the wooden torch floats on the surface.”

Cleric: “It’s okay guys! See? It’s only a few inches deep!”

A Skype call within a Skype call. Fucking Inception here.

—the DM of our international group as the PCs start setting up a video chat

Anonymous asked: I am curious on how you decide which quotes to post. I thought originally that you post all that are submitted.

We cannot possibly run everything that gets submitted, there is simply too much.

My (szasstam) criteria for selecting a submission is 1) Are it’s contents socially acceptable (no misogyny, racism, ableism, etc)? and 2) I find it funny or think people will find it funny based on what our followers seem to like.

When the other mods choose they for sure better be following #1, as that was part of the job description, but other than that they get free range to queue whatever they think is funny.

Maybe we do miss some gems and maybe we do post some turds sometimes, but hey, running a blog this big can be draining.