Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!
Naked grimlocks with tentacles.

Naked grimlocks with tentacles.

If you ask again I swear to god I’m leaving

For the fiftieth time this night, no, you cannot roll Use Rope to create a boat. And no, I will not accept Rope as a new Wizard or Cleric domain. - Me, the DM, after my party discovers the “Use Rope” skill.

So it’s a detachable weasel?

- The party on encountering my mage who was a disguise specialist.

Hunter: The Vigil

Hunter: defeating the forces of evil by undercutting their business practices.

You’ve rolled so well that the dragon believes you to be the High Priest of Orcus. Unfortunately, so does the party.

—DM on the Bard’s Disguise crit-pass.

"If I kill someone using a mech, does it set off my Mark of Justice?"

Magic Swords

Jal: “Wow, this sword is kinda cool…you say you want something and somebody gets it for you. Who wants to get me a coke?”
*silence, until someone gets up and goes back to get a coke*
Jal: “It works!”
Other: “There’s only diet.”
Jal: *to sword* “DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU AND YOUR FALSE HOPES!!!”

In a village filled with corpses. “I roll investigation.” Rolls. “I got four threes.” -Drew

In a whispered voice: “You see dead people.” -Beth

DM: - Did you consider the burst radius and the size of the room you are in?

(Immediately after the group’s mage cast a fireball spell that the rest of the party had failed their saving throws against)

"The good news is, there’s still a body in the woods. The bad news is, there’s still a body in the woods."

(A horror game wherein sometimes dead things weren’t dead the next day…)