Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

"I just realized that we’re all white" -Paladin while observing his party [after having been with them for almost a year]

"I throw the sack of orc-scented loot over my shoulder as we head down the road, and start whistling "Santa Claus is Coming to Town.""

Interrogation Scene

DM: “He stammers, ‘I promise, I won’t say a word!!’”

Fighter: “Insight check…” (rolls) “14?”

DM: “He’s going to say so many words.”

"I don’t care what his name is, I’m calling him ‘Scar’ and you can’t stop me."

Ranger: Hey, guys! Come here! I found a key and some… crudely drawn pornography?

Wizard: Prison gold.

- My players trying to escape a gladiatorial arena 

Drow - Wait wait wait, you’re a paladin right? You cant kill me

Paladin - I punch him

The DM says to me,  Your character wakes up the next morning and finds something in her tent.”

Me: “She kills it.”

DM: Its not a thing to be killed. Its not a person. Its hanging from the tent pole.
Me: Well, what is it? Tentacles?
DM: No, it is hanging there on a necklace thingy. It looks like a jawbone.
Me: …does it look familiar?

The True 1%

Occupy dragons! Why do 1% of the DnD creatures have 99% of the gold?

"We’re going to the RIGHT! Not the left! Because justice is doing the RIGHT thing, so therefore we’re turning RIGHT!"

- Our Cleric, who has proclaimed herself to be Justice-sexual