Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

"But if you’re a mage, and I’m a mage, then WHO’S FLYING THE BOAT?"

- The party wizard and cleric arguing as the airship they’re on crashes.

Roll for Jazz

I guess you could say that this ship has… a skeleton crew.

"The door catches you flat-footed."


We’d be a lot more likely to trust you with nice things if you HADN’T THROWN OUR MAGE INTO A FUCKING RAVINE!

—The answer to the question, “Why can’t I have the magic sword?”

"Instead of going on a quest for the legendary sword, I’m going to make mine"

-Our Wizard/mage, ruining a 10+ session quest the DM had made.

That stegosaurus knows something we don’t.

To be fair, it was about 1AM in real time

DM: The boat is sinking. It’s too dark to see anything.

Rogue/Swordmage: I have an everburning torch.

Fighter: Okay, I’m gonna take the torch and tie it to one end of my rope, hold onto the other end, and then toss it in each direction and pull it back until we see something.

DM: You’re on a river. You know there are banks to the right and to the left.

Fighter: I don’t understand hydrodynamics.

We can make this work… as long as you don’t lie or steal… or talk, or really do anything else. My god says that I’ll probably have to smite you if you do anything roguish.

—the lawful good paladin to the chaotic neutral rogue at the start of a new campaign.

Rogue: “I sense motive the goblin to see if he really has a wife and kids.”