Keith: *rolls a 10 on a Heal check* “It’s okay, ten is average!”
DM: “Yeah, turns out an ‘average’ surgery is actually pretty shitty.”
Greg: I want Nick to do play Inspire Competence to the interns
Nick: I can do that.
Evan (DM): Um, you do remember what kind of bard Nick is, right?
Greg: OH SHIT, NO! I TAKE IT BACK!
Nick: It’s too late. I start stripping for the interns.
I represent the allied nations of… where are we from again?
—Wallace
You feel a pressure on your backside that is familiar to you.
—Our DM, to Calista the Pirate Queen
We’re gonna need costumes. Preferably one that hides the fact that you’re a brotha.
—Judlow
Shit! I used Bro and Dude to roll for damage! I am so bad at this!
—Todd, our DM
DM- Alright, the slime sphere jumps onto your head and begins to suffocate you.
Player- I headbutt the slime.
The Other Half
(Upon meeting a new PC Rogane for the first time)
Rogane: What are you
Kel: I’m a half-elf.
Rogane: Really?! What is the other half?
Kel: (Deadpan) …Dragon.
Rogane: *Wondrous Gasp* You’re a Drelfen?!
Kel: Yes.
DM: *Facepalm* Unfortunately for everyone, Rogane was getting incredibly drunk before you came across him.
*Villain giving pre-final boss soliloquy*
Thokk (wizard): “Wait… that makes perfect sense!” *Arguing between the party ensues, and threat of Thokk betraying the party*
Thokk (ooc): “So I walk up to (the villain), right? So I put my hand out to give her a handshake to show I’m on her side.”
DM: “…she doesn’t handshake.”
Thokk (ic): “No but don’t you get it? If we localize the slaughter to this world alone we can save the entire multiverse!”
Thokk (ooc): “I wrap my arm around her. *says another in-character sentence* ………Otto’s Irresistible Dance. Got her in my grasp, since it’s touch-range. She starts dancing.”
DM: “……………”
Thokk: “………………”
DM: “………….that is single handedly the stupidest idea and the most genius idea I have ever heard.
—Thokk putting his 34 INT score to good use.
