"I just realized that we’re all white" -Paladin while observing his party [after having been with them for almost a year]
"I throw the sack of orc-scented loot over my shoulder as we head down the road, and start whistling "Santa Claus is Coming to Town.""
DM: “He stammers, ‘I promise, I won’t say a word!!’”
Fighter: “Insight check…” (rolls) “14?”
DM: “He’s going to say so many words.”
"I don’t care what his name is, I’m calling him ‘Scar’ and you can’t stop me."
Ranger: Hey, guys! Come here! I found a key and some… crudely drawn pornography?
Wizard: Prison gold.
- My players trying to escape a gladiatorial arena
Drow - Wait wait wait, you’re a paladin right? You cant kill me
Paladin - I punch him
The DM says to me, Your character wakes up the next morning and finds something in her tent.”
Me: “She kills it.”
Occupy dragons! Why do 1% of the DnD creatures have 99% of the gold?
"We’re going to the RIGHT! Not the left! Because justice is doing the RIGHT thing, so therefore we’re turning RIGHT!"
- Our Cleric, who has proclaimed herself to be Justice-sexual