Out of Context D&D Quotes

This is a blog for out of context D&D quotes. We take submissions. Not just from D&D. Feel free to submit quotes from all your table top RPG sessions!

Ah yes, the two most devastating of elements; fire…and orcs.

—Party member after hearing that the castle town is under siege by orcs and fire (somehow unrelated) 

Yolo means you only lute once!

—Our Bard, deciding to use his lute as a weapon upon seeing three really pissed of Ents

The magical muffins shine as your arms reconnect to your body.

Sharkapult!

Well, the roof is on fire, my kitchen’s in shambles, an Orc on a motorcycle came riding down a tunnel in our basement being moved around by bound earth elementals, and our party Technomancer is incapable of lying to machines that speak in old English, so I really don’t know what you want us to do.

—The Mage, in response to our GM’s comment that he thought we’d be done with this section of the run in 30 minutes

blue “food” pellets (don’t eat)

—jotted down in inventory


GM: The room is suddenly filled with light. You see 5 skeletons.

Mage: Alive?

GM: … skeletons.

Party approaches ruins in a forest covered in Spider Webs.  In the distance there are spiders roughly the size of large dogs. 

Druid:  Since snakes are predators of spiders I will summon a bunch.
Sorcerer:  Those are mighty big Spiders.  They’ll eat whatever snakes you summon. 
Druid:  I can summon Anacondas.
Paladin:  *Musically replies* My Anaconda don’t want none unless you got …big ass spiders…. awww hell no.

Druid:*with a disappointed tone*  Fine, continue burning the forest down.
Sorcerer:  Never stopped. *gleefully giggles while casting fire spells and allowing Monk to control the flames through the area”